I’ve moved…

November 15, 2010 at 1:54 pm (Uncategorized)

You can find me here now

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Dating the socially special needs

October 3, 2010 at 3:44 pm (Uncategorized)

Just in case maybe you only started reading this blog today, sometimes…sometimes I’m awkward in my life. Sometimes I say weird things or laugh at inappropriate times or just generally have no idea what the hell I’m doing with my own self.

Normally that’s not a big deal because the only people I deal with are people that know me in one way or another – friends, family, coworkers.  But when I meet new people, I run into a problem.  It takes so much more extra energy not to be a goofball.  I really have to think about what I’m doing so I don’t end every sentence with “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID” or talk in LOLCATS out loud.  Or talk like a cartoon character that is Swedish and plays in a death metal band and has a problem with conjugating verbs.

Can’t act like that with people that don’t know me.

Point being – I’ve gone out with this guy that I actually like (that’s important!) a few times…and I’m still all awkward turtle.  I realized I forgot how to date people.  I have no idea how to be in a relationship that isn’t…weird.  So what do I do?  What do I say?  What DO you say after you’ve just had sex with someone that you like and you’d like to hang out with again?  Do you say “thanks, that was awesome”?  Do you snuggle with them like it’s totally routine to be doing this?  Do you offer them another beverage?  In my head, it’s all shouting like “DON’T PUT YOUR HAND THERE FIX YOUR HAIR WHAT ARE YOU DOING DON’T MAKE THAT NOISE DON’T SAY WHAT YOU JUST THOUGHT DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T”.

Which doesn’t sound like the beginning of something promising, but it’s the way it all goes in my head.  Everything is shouty.  And honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing right now.  That’s not to say things are happening and I’m not wanting them to – it’s to say that I have no idea how to act.  In the beginning of any relationship, regardless of in what capacity, there’s a lot of feeling things out (that’s what she said).  You have to find out where the line is with the person.  you have to know what sort of things you can and can’t say.  You have figure out if they have personal space issues, if they don’t like when you crack your knuckles, if they fidget constantly, if they need to know the details of something before you can talk about stuff and on and on.  When it becomes a relationship when you’re going to be dating (or taking your pants off.  Whatever you want to call it), it becomes far more difficult in my head because I’m shouting “DON’T SCREW THIS UP!”
 
I’m doing my best to not screw this up.  Because I like this.  And it’s new and fun and early and there’s still so much that’s unknown.  But I’m constantly wondering if I’m right in what I’m doing.
 
But then I think about how much fun I’m having.  And how much I like getting to know someone.  That makes me stop worrying – at least for a little while.

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After 25 comes…

September 23, 2010 at 7:47 pm (Uncategorized)

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I don’t know how it happened either.  I blinked and it went from Memorial day to the first day of fall.  Where did the time go?  Like, honestly.  I have no idea.

Tomorrow, I will be turning 26.  That’s a crazy thing to think about.  There was a time I didn’t think I would be able to hold my life together until 23, nevermind 26.  But I will be 26.  Which is weird to say.  Except I’ve decided I’m not turning 26.  At least not just yet.

 Last year at this time, I was falling apart.  I had no job, I was barely scraping by financially, I was sick (SCREW YOU, LYME DISEASE), I was in a fake relationship and I was so sad I could hardly function.  But I celebrated my 25th birthday surrounded by people that love me.  I had a lovely dinner and cake with my parents.  My most wonderful Soupsnake Lilo invited over some friends so that we could play Apples to Apples and enjoy cupcakes.  And even though I was so sad it hurt me, it was okay.  I had friends, I had love and I smacked a smile on my face for that night.  The first 6 months of being 25 were shit.  they were terrible.  Everything that sucked when I first turned 25 kept on sucking until almost exactly 6 months later, March 24th.

I’ve decided I’m turning 25.2.  I’m going to relive those first 6 months of being 25 because the first time?  That was no way to spend 6 months of being a quarter of a century old.  I’m going to up the awesome level.  I’m going to smile and be nice to people (sorta.  I make no promises it will happen all the time).  I’m going to get back to the gym.  I’m going work my tail off at work (not that it’s an option not to, but you know what I mean).  I’m going to move home (boooooo) but I’m going to do my damnest not to let my mom get to me.  I’m going to not be in a fake relationship with anyone because I’m so much better than that.
 
I’m going to take everything that I went through and re-do it.  I’m going to make the first 6 months of 25 part 2 be freakin’ amazing.  And it’s starting out right.  We’re having bagels tomorrow at work for my birthday.  I’m going to see the trainer after work.  I’m going back to my parents house for Chinese take-out and birthday cake.  And then, after all that, I’m going out with a boy for drinks.  He’s well aware that it’s my birthday.  It’s a ballsy move on his behalf, but he knows what’s at stake.  I told him about the 25.2 endeavor.  And I’m going to trust him enough (which is probably stupid) that he won’t screw it up. He is very nice and lovely. I’m sure that I will post more about him later – especially if it all goes well.

So tomorrow I relive it all – and honestly, I can’t waiÞ

 

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Collar blind? Not so much

September 6, 2010 at 8:58 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

So the person that I was 3 years ago – or even last year – is not exactly the same as the person I am now. Yes, we share a lot of the same things – but my taste in men has changed. Don’t worry, I still want that boy that is slightly preppy and is inked and so on and so forth. The guy that has enough of an edge to keep me interested, but not too much so that I think he’s a jerk. That guy. At this point, I’m fairly certain he does not exist. If he did, I would totally have already found him by now. I can dream of him. Trust me – I do.

But lately, I’ve been into more blue collar men. I’ve been digging guys that can do things with their hands. I like the idea of a guy that works hard all day and really takes pride in what he does. White collar men may be better dressed, but there’s something about some guy that is a little dirty and gritty that’s been calling to me.

Maybe it’s because of my family. All my uncles are blue collar guys – they are electricians and mechanics and work for the water company. My brother is going to school to become a firefighter. My dad is a landscaper. I’ve grown up around men that worked hard all day and then came home to enjoy a cold beverage and their family (or something like that. I think my dad would be just as happy to be working all day as opposed to coming home to my mom. But that’s just a thought).

Now that I’ve decided that I can re-introduce boys into my life, I’ve been looking for some hard working men. I don’t think my love of the Pioneer Woman, Miranda Lambert or Taylor Swift has helped me out any. The Pioneer Woman is married to a cattle farmer. I look at her and think that ANY man that looks as good as her husband does in a pair of jeans is really the sort of guy that I want. I don’t want her life, but I do very much like her husband. Taylor Swift sings about boys that drive trucks and dance with her to Tim McGraw. Who doesn’t want that?

My current overwhelming love of everything country music isn’t helping me out any. These ladies of country sing about working men and their general hotness. Who am I to disagree? Bring on the farm hands, I say. But only the good looking ones. Or the ones that are sort of smart. Not the dumb as brick ones.

Where does that leave me? Well, in the same place I’m already in. But now that I’m venturing out into the dating world again, I know I’m looking for a sort of self-sufficient guy. I need a guy that can take care of himself and help clean up my messes. I need a go-to guy. I need a guy that can help me do things that I am totally incapable of doing (like changing the headlights in my car. I have seen how to do it. I don’t know if I can apply it ever). I want a guy that just is sort of, for lack of a better word, simple. There’s this one guy that I’m interested in that has a history of being a blue collar guy. He’s an accountant now, but he knows how to use machines and be very manly. That’s an incredibly hot thing. He doesn’t know I think this. If I told him – well, who knows what would happen.

(Sexy times? Plz?)

Don’t get me wrong – guys in suits – guys in nice suits? Wicked hot. Don Draper? YES PLEASE. But that’s not the life that I think I want to live. Except if it involved Don Draper. That would be an okay life. We could talk advertising all day. And I would just look at him and tell him I wanted to have the sexy times with him. I can see this going so well. I was not cut out to be a 1960s housewife. He will learn that soon enough.

The quest continues. I’m looking for a guy that suits me. And if that guy happens to be someone that can make shit with his hands? That’s just way hot. And if not? That’s okay too. As long as he loves me and recognizes that I’m just about the most awesome thing that has every existed, I’m sure we’ll get along fine.

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Just in case you were wondering – yes, I’m still alive

July 20, 2010 at 9:32 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

Hey – do you remember the last time I blogged about a month and a half ago? OMG ME TOO. And guess what? Not a whole lot has happened since then. I mean, nothing is really going on in my life. Here’s the quick rundown….
– My trainer has been on vacation for the past 2 weeks so I’ve been doing workouts that she had come up with. It was going along fine until one day when I was at the gym at work and these 2 skinny blonde bitches were doing squats with weights and one of them says to the other one “working out is easy!” and bitch almost got killed. She doesn’t know how good she has it. My trainer is back now and she really pushed me last night – which was good. I needed to feel that burn in my muscles again. We’re going to up it to 4 times a week until we both go on vacation. So if I’m dead? That’s why.
– My managers at work keep on shouting “BALLS AND LOGS!” because apparently there is some product that we’re advertising that is cheese and it comes in balls and logs. Honestly, why would you just say balls and logs? Throw the word cheese in there. It’s not going to hurt us.
– Girls at work? Still terrible bitches. Just in case you thought MAYBE that they weren’t.
– Hey, did you vote for livitluvit to be the next MTV TJ? You damn well should.
– For the first time since I was in high school, I’m going on vacation with my family. We’re going to Cape Cod in August. My family always rents this crazy house for our entire crazy family to stay in for the week. So it should be something. I will only be there for a few days, but I’m sure it will be long enough. I need to ramp up my drinking skills because I don’t know if I can keep up with these people. And before you go thinking I’m a lightweight, they all start drinking vodka at 9:30 in the morning and then keep on drinking sitting in the sun all day. That’s hardcore. That’s even more hardcore than I am. So, if all else fails, at least I will be drunk for 5 days straight.
– I’m not going to be at the shelter for the next few weeks, which is good. I’m starting to get burned out from the shelter and when I start to get burned out with something, that’s about the time that I decide I don’t want to do it anymore. But the chance of seeing the cute boy makes me go back. Also because there’s a dog there that I absolutely love and could never adopt, but I like to play with her and shout at her. Well, not shout at her. But totally play with her. She weighs all of 12 pounds and like, bounces off the walls. And sometimes I pick her up and carry her around. I don’t like tiny little dogs, but I totally love this one. She just got adopted last week and I didn’t get to see her before she went, but I know that she has a good new family that will love her.
– I’ve had about a thousand bottles of water today. Don’t know why I’m so thirsty, but the only thing it does is make me have to pee every 45 minutes. I’m like an old person or something.
– The most terrible and awful of the bitches around here – The Queen Bitch Who Declares My Hair Is Too Short – is leaving! Huzzah! She’s going to be a teacher or something. That’s a scary thought. She’s not terribly patience or terribly smart. But she’ll be gone on the 30th and maybe something good will come of that. Maybe the girls around here will be nicer. But honestly? Probably not.
– A few months ago, my cousin tried to set me up with some guy that is a friend of her husband’s. The only problem is that this guy is a HOPELESS disaster. He has no idea what girls want to talk about. He thinks that girls really like to talk about poop and farts and LOVE to see videos of dogs humping. I have a pretty good sense of humor – but I’m still a girl. If you like me, don’t tell me about the biggest poop you’ve ever seen. This is not a turnon. Actually, it’s a turn off. He also texted me once – and the first thing he said to me was “womanboob”. Don’t ask me what the hell that means. I’m still trying to figure that one out. Then he went off to be a park ranger up in Maine. He was trying to convince us all to drive 10 hours up to Maine. And the last 100 miles of that journey? They are on logging roads. I DON’T THINK SO. Anyway, he came back to Connecticut because he was fired. From being a park ranger. I didn’t know that could happen. And now he’s all like “LET’S GET HAMMERED” and I do not want to get drunk with him and so I’m trying to dodge him. I might be starting to miss the boy drama in my life, but not so much that I would want him to come in and just be a friggin’ idiot about everything related to girls. That’s just more than I can handle.
– The summer is about halfway over. When did that happen? It makes me sort of sad. But at least I have a tan!

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A life without boys

May 24, 2010 at 6:26 am (Uncategorized) (, , , )

I’ve been in boy detox for a while now.  I think I started in February?  What I thought would be really difficult and not quite so fun has been okay.  There are no boys in my life in a romantic way (still boys in my life in a friendly way) and that’s okay.  I haven’t exploded or combusted or anything.

And it’s all good.

Life is so uncomplicated.  Life is so easy and calm and without drama (sort of.  Except for nonsense at work).  And that’s nice.  When was the last time life was this easy?  It wasn’t this simple before I started dating boys and yet it’s so simple now.

Lilo and I have been hearing from many different sources that when we stop looking for guys, that’s when we will find them.  All of these people are probably right.

I keep on hoping that there will be a boy at the animal shelter that I volunteer at.  There was a guy there last week that looked like my ex boyfriend at first glance.  And since I’m as cool as a cucumber in the shade wearing sunglasses, I shouted at him “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” and the guy was confused.  He seemed nice enough, but according to one of the other volunteers, he’s got a girlfriend or something.  Most of the volunteers at the shelter are girls.  A lot of them in their 20s.  none of us can understand why there are not more boys at the shelter.  BOYS.  DON’T YOU KNOW THE BEST WAY TO GET A GIRL IS WITH A DOG?  And to work at the shelter is to borrow a dog.  You can borrow it and take it down the street and then bring it back when you’re done.  Alison (another volunteer) and I have decided we need just one straight guy to volunteer for the shelter.  Once he’s in, we’re going to get him to tell allllllllllllllll his cute single friends that they should volunteer here.  Because that’s where all the ladies are.

But other than that small thought, there are no boys.  No boys that I’m interested in, no boys that I’m flirting with, no boys that are flirting with me (but that hardly happens), no boys anywhere.  It’s comfortable and fun to just be myself and not have to worry about what I look like when I go out or what I’m doing or what silly thing that I’m saying.  I’m getting back to myself.  I’m focusing on me.

Last weekend when I went out, I saw Tim, the guy that caused me to have that major fight with A.  I saw him from across the bar and my first response was “YOU BETTER NOT BE IN MY BAR!”  But he was in my bar.  And there was a part of me that really wanted to go up to him and basically say WHAT THE FUCK YOU ASSHOLE?  But I didn’t.  I didn’t start a fight even after I saw him pointing at me, then nudging his friend and saying something.  I could have.  I would have been justified in doing that.  But it was too much drama.  If he wants to be bad in bed and be a twatwaffle, that’s his choice.  And I’m done.  I was done when I deleted his number from my phone.  And when I saw him in the bar, I was done then too.  He has to deal with himself.  I don’t have to.

And so boy detox continues on.  Sometimes I’m lonely and sad and would like to go out with boys.  But I’m not going to fling myself at someone that doesn’t care and isn’t worthy of my time and attention.  I’ll remain without a man until one comes along that makes sense.  Or I get really really really bored.

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According to one of the Marketing Mean Girls…

May 10, 2010 at 7:28 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

I’m going to be single forever.

It’s true!  She has informed me of this.  Maybe in not so many words, but it’s what she mean.  I apparently don’t do anything that boys like.  Which is news to me.  But whatever.

There’s this one girl that I work with that is engaged…somehow.  She isn’t getting married until next May but she’s already picked everything out for her wedding and is getting engagement photos taken, like, today.  She’s way ahead of the ball.  And she’s a bitch.

That’s important to remember.

So one of the first days at Fancy Marketing Place, I had lunch with her.  She was really nice and asking me about my life and so on.  I told her that I was single (because she asked) and you know, that was that.  Except not.  She told me that I was probably single because I am too nice.  And since I give in and do nice things for people, no one wants that.  But let’s be fair here.  I’m not that nice.  I willingly admit that I will crush boys that aren’t strong enough to stop me.  And I’m angry and say mean things and you know, don’t do exactly what everyone asks of me.  I’m nice to people that are nice to me.

But I guess I need to be withholding.  I can’t let guys know that I like them – I have to fuck with their heads and do confusing things and be a crazy bitch.  I’m not a big fan of playing games or saying one thing and doing another because it’s annoying and it’s exhausting.  I don’t want to put that much effort into anything (HELLO, this is why I’m fat).

Because as we all know, men love crazy bitches.  And she is the perfect example of that.

I was also told the other day that I wear my hair too short.  If I expect to land a guy, I was told I should grow my hair out really long.  Because according to Ms. Bitchy Pants, boys like girls with long hair.  She also informed me that the DUMBEST thing a girl could do after she breaks up with a guy is to cut her hair because boys don’t like that.  The girl should go out and get extensions.

While I’m sure there are a good number of boys that do like girls with long hair, I don’t think it’s all of them.  Also, I think that someone that likes me will like me no matter what my hair looks like.  But I could be wrong.

If these are her opinions, that would be fine.  But it’s not that she just thinks these things are right.  SHE KNOWS that these things are right.  So I can’t even say “well, I don’t think that’s really the case” because then she comes back with “BUT I KNOW THIS.”

WOMAN, I WILL END YOU.

It’s bad enough that all the girls roam around in a pack – one that I’m not included in – and have crazy diets.  Now one of them feels the need to tell me that I’m going to be single until I die and somehow end up like Flaky Cat Lady (she’s another story for another day)?

I don’t take well to people telling me how I should be living my life when things in my life are okay.  Or at least for the most part.  Yes, I’m sort of bored and lonely, but it’s nice to be on my own.  I’m not going to turn into some longhaired, withholding, mind-fucking, crazy ass bitch just to get someone to notice me.

Sorry to all the longhaired, withholding, mind-fucking, crazy ass bitches out there.  I don’t mean to offend you.  But I’ve met your leader.  She really is a terror.  I can understand why she is in charge.

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Getting away

April 13, 2010 at 8:08 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

This weekend…in 3 short days….I will be in Vermont.

I’ve never been so excited to go away for no good reason.  We’re not doing anything special, the weather isn’t even going to be nice.  But the idea of going somewhere and being able to do just about nothing – amazing.

I know I was on “vacation” for like, 8 months.  It wasn’t the same.  I was stressed and sad and cranky all the time.  But going to a place that I’ve known and loved since childhood is kind of ideal.

I can spend the whole weekend relaxing.  I won’t be at the animal shelter (don’t get me wrong, I love that.  But I spend basically my whole Saturday there).  I don’t have to worry about grocery shopping (at least until Monday).  I won’t have to worry about laundry or what needs to get done or what I’m going to wear next week – because I’m going to be somewhere that it doesn’t matter.

And there’s going to be booze.  Lots and lots of it.  Actually, my job is to bring the booze to Vermont.  And bring it I shall.

So for the next few days, my insanely happy and disturbing mood is all because I’m leaving…wahoo!

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The Office

April 11, 2010 at 11:24 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

Unfortunately, my office does not have any Jim like characters.  That makes me sad.

Life at the office is good.  I’m learning lots of things and I have a feeling that I could be really good at this job – once someone shows me what I should be doing.  It’s been a busy two weeks at the Marketing Place.  They are all doing their performance reviews, which have to be presented to the senior heads of our department, and then to the senior head of the whole department.  So everyone’s been busy and running around and no one really has time to train me.  I’ve been asking the girls I work with to help me out, and they basically do.

However.

These girls are all about my age (ranging from 22-28ish), but they all ignore me.  Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t mean or anything.  They just act like I’m not there.  And that makes me come home and cry.  Partially because I am all hormonal – partially because I’m a 13 year old girl and no one wants to be my friend.

I know that’s stupid.  You don’t have to tell me.

It’s hard being at work when it seems like no one wants you to be around.  All the girls in my department go to lunch with each other and eat lunch in the office with each other and joke around with each other – and I’m not included.  So I eat lunch alone and do things alone and sometimes they invite me, but mostly they don’t.  I don’t invite myself because I don’t want to be “THAT GIRL”.  THAT GIRL that just thinks she’s a part of the gang when she’s not.  I know I am not part of the gang yet, but I’d like to think with time that I would be.  Right now, I’m still waiting outside the clubhouse.

I don’t expect everyone to immediately be my friend or even immediately like me.  But I would expect that people would include me in things just so that I wouldn’t be the new girl and I wouldn’t feel so left out.  I’ve always struggled to make friends.  I just have no idea how.  I don’t know how someone becomes your friend – I guess they just do.

So it’s been upsetting me.  And it makes me feel like I’m in 6th grade again.  I’m struggling because of it.  I know it will get better and I’m still the new girl and so on – but it’s still not fun.

This week should be better because I can get more training from the senior people in the department and I can learn whole processes, instead of bits and pieces at a time.

At the big fancy Marketing Place, I have to be a Vanilla version of myself.  I can’t laugh and smile and make everyone do the same.  So at work, I’m not fun Vanilla Sarah.  I tone myself down and don’t giggle at things and try to keep it all locked up.  Which is hard.  Which is why I send ridiculous emails to everyone to keep myself sane.

I am not good at being Vanilla.  I’m like…Moose Tracks ice cream.  Or something else with lots of good things in it.  But I can only be Moose Tracks when I’m not at work.  And that’s just one more thing I’m having a hard time with.

The job really is good though.  I know I can learn everything I need to and seriously kick some ass once I get good.  Or at least kick some ass of the Marketing Place Mean Girls.

Because on Wednesdays, they wear pink.  And they can all return to their homes on Whore Island.

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Well, I had a topic

March 22, 2010 at 7:39 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

I was going to blog for the first time in like, weeks.  I had a topic!  I was going to write about making friends at my new temp job and how I want everyone to be my friend or at least have someone to have lunch with.

Also, there are many many boys there – and they are always milling about and I want to be their friends, but I’m too awkward in my own body to communicate with them.

AND THEN

Then I got offered a job in my field, paying better than I had been making at any job before, with an office with a gym and HEALTH insurance and VISION insurance and a 401K and you know  A FULL TIME PERMANENT JOB.

So really, who cares if I make friends at the place I’m at now?  I’ve been there for a week and this Friday is my last day.  So huzzah for that and SOON I will have blog topics because SOON I will be employed just like the rest of you.

I am so excited for this there are no words to describe it.  It’s been the longest 8 months ever.  It’s worst than being pregnant (or so I’ve heard).  But now it’s done and I can get back to being an adult again.

Or something like that.

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