Welcome to my neighborhood
September 7, 2009 at 9:02 am (Uncategorized) (Cupcake Land, everyone is pissing me off now, I AM ANTI-SOCIAL, I've said it before and I'm saying it again - boys are dumb, someone needs to smack me and send me to bed, welcome to my world, where the hell am i going with this?, YES)
I haven’t posted in basically forever. That wasn’t my plan. I guess my long days of doing nothing have gotten away from me. I do cook and bake a lot and go for walks every day – but blogging has been out of my mind. Even my google reader is totally out of control. I can’t bring myself to mark all of them as read, but maybe I will have to if I can’t get through everything. Man, my life is so hard.
Anyway.
I haven’t really said much about Cupcake Land. We live in a very interesting neighborhood, to say the least. Here’s a quick (and absolutely incomplete) rundown of the people that live here too.
- The Lady Next Door – We haven’t really talked to her all that much and you would think that we would, given that she’s just on the other side of the wall. But we don’t. Her mother lives in the apartment with her, as well as her daughter. And then there’s her dog. Julie. Julie is a tiny little terrier of some form. Julie is allowed to just roam around the neighborhood, going wherever she pleases. This is a dog that I could basically step on and crush and the dog is running around, trying to avoid being hit by cars. WTF?
- The Douchebag Across the Street – This guy I decided I hated really early on. Seriously. He’s a twatwaffle for sure. He drives a corvette (maybe a 2001 or a 2002) and it’s all black – the windows are tinted really dark, the rims on his tires are black – you get what I mean. But this car, which should be a nice piece of muscle car, is not. He’s got a hole in his exhaust and instead of his car sounding sexy, it makes a putputput noise. REALLY LOUDLY. ALL THE TIME. He drives the car like an asshole. It wakes me up when I’m asleep. I hate this man. I do not know who he is, but I hate him. Whenever he comes home, I start shouting out the window that I will end him. Because really? FIX YOUR FUCKING EXHAUST.
- Crazypants and Jake – This family lives diagionally across from us. There are about 4 boys that live there – the oldest one can’t be older than 7. Jake is the youngest one and he gets yelled at ALL THE TIME. He’s a troublemaker, that Jake. His mother shouts at him and tells him that he can’t go outside or can’t go inside or that she’s not going to take a picture of him. You wonder why he’s such a pain in the ass. Then we realized who his father is. His father was trimming the lawn last weekend in pajama pants with candy canes on them. In the summer. In the front lawn. Dude – really? You can’t even put on shorts? Two days ago, he was grilling in the driveway wearing tie-dye parachute pants. No, he really was. We don’t know why he dresses like this, but damn, it’s amusing.
- The Creepo Whistleblower – There’s this very very old man that lives in the house behind ours. One of the first days that we were in the house, we saw him sitting on a rock in between our yard and their yard. We thought he was dead. He wasn’t moving and his dog wasn’t moving and WTF? We then found out that he liked to sit on that rock in the backyard and LOOK AT LILO while she was in the bathroom. We had to get curtains – and fast. This Creepo Whistleblower Old Man also walks around the block about 20 times a day. I’m not kidding – he’s always walking around the block with his tiny little dog that has to be just as old as he is. I don’t know why they walk around so much, but they do. When the dog gets lost or something, the Creepo Old Man starts blowing a whistle. Like a whistle like a soccer coach or a ref would use. It took me over a month to figure out who the hell was blowing that whistle, but I did on Saturday. DAMN YOU CREEPO OLD MAN. I hate that he watches us all the time. What a freaky weirdo.
- Duffduffduff – There’s a pug that lives further down the street. He’s outside more or less the time. He doesn’t have the ability to bark or something, so instead of barking, he makes a noise that sounds like “DUFFDUFFDUFF”. Lilo and I love it. We walk by his house and taunt him on purpose just so that he will bark.
- The Children – There are about 30 kids in this neighborhood. There are a lot of families here and they apparently all don’t use birth control. These kids spend their afternoons running around the neighborhood SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS DON’T YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE OMG SCREAMING TIME. It’s really hard to not go outside and smack all of them. If they were out in a field screaming or running around in the park screaming – that’s fine. But they are in a busy neighborhood with cars zipping by and I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T FUCKING SCREAM I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU ALL. It’s really annoying. These are like, 13 year old boys. I know they don’t know any better, but still. Shut up before I shut you up. FOREVER.
- The Lady – I only saw this lady once. It was such a magical experience, I almost drove into a tree. I was driving up the street and I saw an overweight woman, somewhere between age 19 and 30, in brightly colored leggings…riding a big wheel. In her driveway. I haven’t figured out where exactly she lives or why she did that, but I long to see it again. It was amazing. SRSLY.
- The Dog – This dog lives in the house next to where the Creepo Whistleblower Old Man lives. The family leaves the dog outside so the dog barks. All day. The dog just barks all day. The family is in the house and the dog is BARKING and OMG. I love dogs. I really do. I understand that they bark sometimes and that’s fine. But when a dog has been barking all day? Could you please let the dog in or go outside or something so that I don’t completely lose my mind? Plz?
That’s just the quick rundown of people who live here that are not as cool as Lilo and I. I mean, that’s basically everyone that isn’t as cool as Lilo and I, but they don’t know that. They damn well should, however. I will be sure to tell them.
