The Office
Unfortunately, my office does not have any Jim like characters. That makes me sad.
Life at the office is good. I’m learning lots of things and I have a feeling that I could be really good at this job – once someone shows me what I should be doing. It’s been a busy two weeks at the Marketing Place. They are all doing their performance reviews, which have to be presented to the senior heads of our department, and then to the senior head of the whole department. So everyone’s been busy and running around and no one really has time to train me. I’ve been asking the girls I work with to help me out, and they basically do.
However.
These girls are all about my age (ranging from 22-28ish), but they all ignore me. Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t mean or anything. They just act like I’m not there. And that makes me come home and cry. Partially because I am all hormonal – partially because I’m a 13 year old girl and no one wants to be my friend.
I know that’s stupid. You don’t have to tell me.
It’s hard being at work when it seems like no one wants you to be around. All the girls in my department go to lunch with each other and eat lunch in the office with each other and joke around with each other – and I’m not included. So I eat lunch alone and do things alone and sometimes they invite me, but mostly they don’t. I don’t invite myself because I don’t want to be “THAT GIRL”. THAT GIRL that just thinks she’s a part of the gang when she’s not. I know I am not part of the gang yet, but I’d like to think with time that I would be. Right now, I’m still waiting outside the clubhouse.
I don’t expect everyone to immediately be my friend or even immediately like me. But I would expect that people would include me in things just so that I wouldn’t be the new girl and I wouldn’t feel so left out. I’ve always struggled to make friends. I just have no idea how. I don’t know how someone becomes your friend – I guess they just do.
So it’s been upsetting me. And it makes me feel like I’m in 6th grade again. I’m struggling because of it. I know it will get better and I’m still the new girl and so on – but it’s still not fun.
This week should be better because I can get more training from the senior people in the department and I can learn whole processes, instead of bits and pieces at a time.
At the big fancy Marketing Place, I have to be a Vanilla version of myself. I can’t laugh and smile and make everyone do the same. So at work, I’m not fun Vanilla Sarah. I tone myself down and don’t giggle at things and try to keep it all locked up. Which is hard. Which is why I send ridiculous emails to everyone to keep myself sane.
I am not good at being Vanilla. I’m like…Moose Tracks ice cream. Or something else with lots of good things in it. But I can only be Moose Tracks when I’m not at work. And that’s just one more thing I’m having a hard time with.
The job really is good though. I know I can learn everything I need to and seriously kick some ass once I get good. Or at least kick some ass of the Marketing Place Mean Girls.
Because on Wednesdays, they wear pink. And they can all return to their homes on Whore Island.
Well, I had a topic
I was going to blog for the first time in like, weeks. I had a topic! I was going to write about making friends at my new temp job and how I want everyone to be my friend or at least have someone to have lunch with.
Also, there are many many boys there – and they are always milling about and I want to be their friends, but I’m too awkward in my own body to communicate with them.
AND THEN
Then I got offered a job in my field, paying better than I had been making at any job before, with an office with a gym and HEALTH insurance and VISION insurance and a 401K and you know A FULL TIME PERMANENT JOB.
So really, who cares if I make friends at the place I’m at now? I’ve been there for a week and this Friday is my last day. So huzzah for that and SOON I will have blog topics because SOON I will be employed just like the rest of you.
I am so excited for this there are no words to describe it. It’s been the longest 8 months ever. It’s worst than being pregnant (or so I’ve heard). But now it’s done and I can get back to being an adult again.
Or something like that.
The perfect interview
Before I go on about what my life SHOULD be like, can I just say how impressed with myself I am? Tonight I went out with a boy that I was very sure that I wouldn’t get along with because he is nice and kind and GOES TO CONFESSION and you know, is a nerd. A big nerd. The D&D, World of Warcraft kind of nerd. Actually, he doesn’t know that he almost lost his head when he mentioned WoW, but seriously, it was close.
But I went out with him and had dinner with him and was nice and polite and told him that I would like to hang out with him again. That part is not a lie. He is really nice. I would not like to date him. He doesn’t know that I would crush him, but I know. He’s the sort of boy I would manipulate until there was nothing left. I realize this and act accordingly. I am win.
Anyway, not what this post is about.
I’ve been on many interviews in the 6 months that I’ve been funemployed. At least 10. Most were okay, one was really terrible and there have been a few good ones. Nothing has landed me the new job that I NEED to keep my sanity about me. I’m waiting, patiently, but I’m getting more frustrated than I was and would really like a job. NOW. PLZ TO HIRE.
Having gone on all these interviews, I have a thought of how my perfect interview would go. It doesn’t involve me walking in the door and having them just hand me a fabulous job (though that would be nice). No, it goes more like this….
I walk into the office, looking fabulous in my suit that I feel awkward in all the time. I don’t need to wear fatass reducing spanx because I am that fabulous. My hair is doing all the things I want it to do and my make up doesn’t look like a 5 year old did it. I am amazing. I smile and everyone just thinks “WOW, we love this girl!”
I walk into the office of the very important and fancy person that makes the decisions in this place. We chat for a few minutes about the weather, or TV, or something else. Very important and fancy person asks me about myself and I tell them about my wonderful education at Alfred and my time at B&N and my crappy job after that and that I was laid off from the job that I loved. I inform them that I have been volunteering with all my free time and love baking more than anything else.
This somehow turns into a discussion about the Venture Bros. And music. And pie. I don’t trip over my words, I come off as bright and charming (I think I’m that way in interviews anyway. Could be wrong though) and I’m wonderful.
I am NOT all socially awkward and unable to think of something smart to say. In fact, I say all the right things. I somehow magically come up with a new business plan for this company. Very important and fancy person is so impressed that they say that they will call me in the next few days.
And in this interview dream of mine, THEY CALL ME. LIKE THEY SAID THAT THEY WOULD. I talk to their HR person, who is actually helpful and they give me a job. I go to work and enjoy it and love it there and everyone loves me. I make enough baked goods to give everyone diabetes, but no one cares because they are just so happy that I am the new member to the team.
Then I find some boy there that is just perfect and we fall in love and OMG perfect wedding.
Okay, maybe not that last part. But I dream of the interview where all goes well, everyone says what they mean and no one tells me that they are “looking to make a decision quickly”, or “needed to have someone yesterday” or “really need to get the ball rolling on this one”. They don’t say that they will contact me in a week with no intentions to do so. They answer the phone when I call.
I know I’ve had too much time by myself when this is my dream. My dream is to have an interview go right. It’s not to meet the man of my dreams or win millions of dollars or cure some terrible illness that is affecting millions or even just make pie crust from scratch.
It’s to have someone like me enough to give me a job.
I need to get out of the house more. Preferably because I have a job. Along those same lines, I need a job so that I can buy more shoes and underpants and concert tickets and unnecessary clothing and stuff for the wedding that I am going to be in and plane tickets and a new gym membership and sessions with my trainer and attachments for the Cuisinart mixer (yeah, I said it. There’s an attachment that you can use to make ice cream. Don’t judge). I also need a job so that I can afford to live. That’s an after thought though.
I just really need the damn shoes.
What’s happening on the job scene
First of all, it’s 7 AM on the day after Halloween and I’ve been up for an hour. I spent last night drinking an entire 6 pack and then switching to vodka. I should still be asleep, but I’m awake. My body also feels like it’s been through war…although it hasn’t.
So I’m just as confused as you are.
Two weeks ago, I had a job interview at a local hospital to work in the marketing department there. I was super thrilled to even get an interview but the interview was a long time coming. I spoke to the HR guy on September 30th and didn’t have the interview until October 22nd. I’m hoping to hear back from them this week to see if I get to go back for a second round interview.
The job would be new and fresh and I would learn all sorts of things that I would like to learn and need to learn to stay in advertising. I know the HR guy from when I worked at the local YMCA as a teen and the woman in the marketing department knows someone that I know that was putting in a good word for me. So. It should be good.
Also, this hospital is soon to pair up with J’s old school to do autism screenings and things like that. I would love to be able to be involved with the marketing of that, but we will see.
Then on Friday I got a call from another media place that wants me to come in to interview for a broadcast assistant buyer position. I never expected to hear from this company because although I was totally the kind of person that they wanted for this job, I’ve been totally the kind of person for other jobs. And no one calls. So, surprise interview. I’m going in on Tuesday and I’m a little nervous, but I know there is no need for that.
Fact of the matter is – I NEED A JOB SOON.
There are shoes I need to buy. I want a pair of black flats. And for some reason, I need these shoes too. I’m not normally a trendy shoe kind of girl, but there’s something about those slippers that I’ve decided I must have in my life. And having a limited income and wanting expensive shoes do not go hand in hand.
Although I’ll probably cave sooner rather than later and end up buying them. DAMN YOU, NEED FOR SHOES.
I’ve also been watching far more TV that any human being should be – Glee, Community, The Office, Venture Bros, How I Met Your Mother (season 1), Grey’s Anatomy (now on season 3), It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Big Love (season 2), Gossip Girl (season 2) and god knows what else. Mostly my brain is turning to mush, but damn, at least I’m amused while doing it.
I’ve been cleaning and cooking and knitting my hands off like a madwoman around here, but I would REALLY LOVE to work again. So someone…PLEASE TO HAS JOB NOW.
Keep your fingers crossed for me this week. I need all the help that I can get…
Funemployment- week 2!
Although I’ve said vague things about it, I really haven’t gone into details about the fact that I no longer have a job.
Aside from my whining about it here and on twitter. Deal with it.
Thursday before the wedding, BStP called me into his office. I didn’t think much of it, because he does that sometimes. Then he closed the door and started talking. Since I’m a mature adult in control of my emotions, I started crying hysterically and freaking out. What else was I supposed to do? I have just moved out, I was going to be broke because of the wedding and I REALLY LOVED MY JOB. Which isn’t my job anymore. But whatever. Then I got to leave work and drive the 4 hours to Vermont and try not to cry the entire way.
I was lucky that I had Lilo and Pam and A to talk to along the way. My coworker Natalie also got laid off (along with 2 other coworkers) so she and I have been commiserating about our situation. Except she already has a new job and I am still funemployed.
Last week I went to Foxwoods one day to play bingo, I went for long walks, I went to my friend’s pool and had lunch with my grandparents and went to drop off W at college in Vermont.
Now I have no idea what day of the week it is and I’m starting to get bored. I’m going to have to find a whole bunch of new hobbies to amuse myself. And the first hobby is going to be finding a new job!
I’ve applied to a few places so far, but nothing yet. The school that J used to go to is looking for someone to work in the office. While that isn’t ideal, it still is a job. With a paycheck. And an opportunity to meet new people and have new experiences. I’m waiting for them to call me so that I can get cracking on that. It’s not that I don’t enjoy waking up late and doing nothing all day, but it feels weird to be doing so. I feel like I’m not supposed to be screwing around like this, but there’s really nothing else for me to do.
I go back and forth about not having a job. Some days I look at it as a great chance for me to do something different – to go back to school, to find a totally new career path, to just break out and do something crazy – whatever. Most days though, I just feel dumb and stupid and lame and like a failure. I know being laid off is not my fault. I know that I didn’t do anything to make them want to get rid of me (aside from being low man on the totem pole, I guess). I still feel like a totally reject when I admit that there are things I can’t do now that I don’t have a job. I felt really lame when I was filing for unemployment yesterday. I never thought that my life would be this way – I never thought that once everything finally came together, it would all fall apart.
It did. Now I’m here.
So in week two of funemployment, I am going to knit more and work out more. I’m going to make peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. I’m going to make dinner so Lilo has something to eat when she comes home. I’m going to clean up around here, do laundry, not make a mess, do the dishes. I’m going to smile, find jobs, read more and be a nice girl. I’m not going to cry and be upset and pout. Those things do not change the situation I’m in.
I know that I will find something. I just have no idea when that might be. It’s hard not knowing when things will change. I just know that they have to.
F you, springtime.
Seriously spring, where the hell are you? It’s freezing this morning and that is UNACCEPTABLE. DO YOU HEAR ME? I want it to be warmer. I want to not have to button my coat up all the way. I look out the window now and I see sunshine and I think “oh, springtime!” and I’m wrong. I don’t like that AT ALL. You better change your tune, weather, or I’m going to change it for you. I don’t even know what that means, but I’m just saying. Don’t make me do it. I would like to go hiking again this weekend and if something happens to change that, I’m going to punch you in your spring face.
Heather’s wedding is causing everyone to be crazy. We finally picked out the day for the bridal shower and my mom is bitching about that because it’s going to be too hot or something. Heather hasn’t given us a list of who she wants to invite yet, so we can’t even get numbers on things because we don’t know how many people are coming. My mom calls her at least once a day to bug her for the list. She’s getting married in August, so it’s not like we have loads of time to play with. The maid of honor is making my mom and my grandma annoyed, so they talk on the phone about how much they dislike her. The fun never stops. I’m so done with this wedding. Heather needs to pick out the bridesmaids dresses already too. She hasn’t done that. Time is ticking away.
Last night I had a migraine. That isn’t really anything special, I just haven’t had one in a while. I took some tylenol and waited for it to kick in. Nothing. So then I took my prescription strength head pains go away drugs. That worked. But it also makes me very loopy and like, drunk on drugs. It’s hard to explain. My head won’t hurt, but I can’t process thoughts or really interact with anyone. I have to take it and lie down. Which I did. But here I am, at work….still being loopy. I’m all lightheaded and dizzy and I feel like I’m high or something. And my head has started to hurt again. I took some more tylenol because if I took more of this drug, you would have to leave me alone for another 24 hours and hope I come back to. Which I may or may not. Today is going to be all sorts of hysterical because I’m going to not kind of be awake and people will talk to me and I won’t even notice. Fun fun.
Someone is coming to interview today. Cross your fingers for Natalie and I – we would like a good looking 20 something man to be hired. C’mon, BStP. You gotta do something for the ladiez.
The reason I have a real life
It’s so I have something to blog about. Really. If I didn’t interact with others, what would I talk about? I think I get boring really quickly.
To start off with, we are hiring a new girl at work. I think she’s about my age. And she’s engaged. Ugh. I don’t know how well she will cut it at my place of employment, people can get pretty brutal and she seems sort of frail and flower like. Oh well. We’ll crush her one way or another.
Apparently I’m supposed to get business cards as well. I wonder if I can write “little bitch” on them or if BStP would be angry about that.
Anyyway. Not the point. Tonight Lilo came over so that we could make some sweet cuppin’ cakes. Here’s a fun fact – they sucked. The recipe was from Martha Stewart and just wasn’t that good. I mean, they are okay, but not something that I would make again. They are sort of like brownie things, but more cake-y than fudge-y brownies. Then Lilo and I (mostly Lilo) made some buttercream frosting and dyed it springtime colors. Then we put farm animal sprinkles on the cupcakes because tomorrow is the first day of spring and that made sense to us.
Making cupcakes isn’t the important part. A coming over and watching us make the cupcakes is the important part.
Yes. A came over. Tonight. To my house.
It was good to see him. Really. I’m not just saying that. I asked him earlier today on a whim if he would like to come over because I owe him cupcakes. He listens to me a lot when I’m just overwhelmed and I can’t deal. He lets me cry and then offers words of support and pretty much tells me that things are going to be okay. He’s sweet to me and looks out for me, even though he doesn’t have to. Every time he listens to me cry, I tell him that I owe him a cupcake. So that’s why I told him to come by. Also, he shaved off his beard and kind of looks like an alien baby and I needed to see that. Now he has no hair on his head but his eyebrows. I like him more with a beard. I told him that. He looks younger without it, but I like him with it more.
And from the moment he walked in, things were exactly the same. We joked around and laughed and it was like nothing has changed between us. Every now and again I would make a backhanded comment about us breaking up, but we would both laugh it off. Like I’ve said, I’ve tried to hate him, but it’s really hard because there’s nothing about him to hate. He’s just an idiot.
Lilo started packing up her things and really booked it out of my house. A and I were standing only a few feet away from each other and my pulse was racing like it was before the first time he kissed me. I kept looking at him to see what he was going to do. I would take steps closer to him without realizing it and then take a step or two back. We talked about his shirt that I gave back to him and how much I liked it because it was soft and snuggly and big. He told me that I could just buy a big shirt and wash it a whole bunch of times. I told him it wasn’t the same because of the fact that I felt secure in that shirt. I didn’t tell him that it was because it belongs to him and he makes me feel secure, but I think we both knew that.
We started talking, just about things – then my family came home. A went to go and leave. I walked him out to his car.
He showed me his new headlights (he’s a car geek) and we talked for another minute or two and then he saw me shivering and told me to get inside. I walked over to him just to hug him. He went and kissed my cheek. He pulled away and I asked him why I didn’t get a hug. He wrapped his arms around me and we all know how much I need this. Then I started to tear up. I pulled away from him and started walking back to the house. I was all choked up as I told him that I was really glad that he came by and it was nice to see him. I told him that when Lilo and I live in Cupcake Land (because there will be many cupcakes to eat when Lilo and I live together – which is coming soon), she will be Princess Lolly and I will be Queen Frostine and he will have to come and visit because it will be fun.
I wiped my tears away as I got back into the house and got to washing the dishes.
I IMed him a few minutes ago to say that I was really glad (again) that he came over and sorry if I got a little weird at the end. This conversation followed:
me: Lilo said that she had fun hanging out with you
me: and me, of course
Sometimes my coworkers are funny
Yesterday as I was leaving, I said that I was going home to have a Sam Adams White Ale and go to the gym (and I did both) and that was all I would be up to. Even though yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day (in case maybe you forgot or didn’t know), I didn’t do anything. I’m not even the tiniest little bit of Irish. Also it’s hard to drink a lot and go to work the next day. I’ve tried.
As I was saying this, one of my co-workers, Jim, asked what happened to A. I said that A went away.
“Oh,” said Jim. “Did he go to the army? Hunting? Navy?”
“Uh…not so much”
Jim then looked at me. “Men are idiots. They don’t realize a good thing when they have it.”
Jim, you have hit the nail right on the head. I am awesome and amazing and flat out fantastic and A is a moron. I told him this yesterday. It never gets old to tell him that. At least we’re all on the same page. Point to take away from this story? A is dumb, I’m moving on and sometimes, I actually can tolerate my coworkers for more than 5 minutes.
A – if you’re reading this…you know that I think you’re fabulous and great. But we both know you’re dumb. So don’t think I’m insulting you. But you know that I make your life so incredibly awesome. Winner. I iz it.
