So I’m a winner now?

Not so much your traditional Valentine’s Day post

February 11, 2009 at 9:16 pm (Uncategorized) (dorkiness, happy times, lovely things, where the hell am i going with this?, whoo!)

Everyone posts about Valentine’s Day.  Everyone.  Or mostly everyone.  And, surprise – I don’t have a valentine this year.  Actually, that’s a lie.  I have the most awesome valentine a person could ask for, Lilo.  She’s awesome and I’m awesome and it doesn’t matter about boys.  We are that cool.

Since the dreaded and yet totally stupid V-Day is all about love, I figured I should say a few things about the people that I love the most and mean the most to me in the world.  And I can’t even accurately put into words the love and gratitude that I feel for them.  Without them, without MY FRIENDS,  I would have already wasted away.  I wouldn’t be here.  I wouldn’t be functioning.  So here’s to you guys…

Karen and Pam – you’ve both been my friends since middle school.  We’ve been friends for over half of our lives.  That’s a long time!  I can’t tell you how important you both are to grounding me.  You help me remember who I don’t want to be anymore.  You saw me through my worst times.  When I lost myself and forgot who I was, you helped me to remember that I was better than the guys that I dated.  Karen and Pam, you helped me to pick up the pieces from when my being was shattered and put myself back together as well as I could.  More importantly – we’ve had fun.  We’ve had so much fun that I can’t even remember it all.  The two girl trips that we have gone on have been non-stop laughing.  Between me being too silly for words, Pam being overly cautious and Karen being the one that gets us all together – that’s a recipe for disaster.  I’m glad that I’ve seen the most beautiful places that I’ve ever seen with you two.  I’m so happy that we got to be on the top deck of a boat (sorry, SHIP) in the middle of the ocean at 2 AM, screaming.  I’m thrilled that we were on a bus thing, cruising around St. John and could have fallen out at any moment.  I’m even still laughing about the downpour that we got caught in in Miami while we were eating lunch outside.  And the creepers.  Can’t forget the creepers.  Karen inspires me to do things that I never thought I could do.  Karen is weight loss queen!  She’s made it so far and I know she’s only going to keep on going.  Every time I see her, she’s more skinny than the last.  I want to keep up with her weight loss, but I know I can’t.  She looks stunning.  She’s amazing.  Karen, you rock.  And Pam – well, it’s taken her a while to get to where she is, but I’m proud that she did.  Pam is one of the most caring and loving people I know.  She’s an adopted member of my family and that’s saying something.  I don’t think anyone WANTS to be a part of my family.  I don’t even want to be a part of my family.  Pam gets how my family works, which is important when they are the ones making me crazy.  I can do nothing with Pam and that’s just fine with me.  When I have no plans and don’t really want to do anything, she’s the girl I call.    Karen and Pam, I love you more than words can say.

Then there’s Lilo.  She hasn’t known me for that long, only a few years.  But she gets me.  She gets me in a way that I didn’t think another person would understand me.  Through this whole thing with A, she’s been there, helping me to see reason in unreasonable things.  She’s got my back and my underpants.  Our friendship might have been based on the fact that we owned the same sweater when we worked at B&N.  Regardless.  We’re friends, we’re buds and nothing is going to change that.  I’m glad she’s my valentine.  Lilo will truly appreciate the small stupid thing I got for her.  It’s nothing special, Lilo, so don’t worry.  I like that we have bakemastery, even though sometimes our cupcakes don’t turn out like we planned.  We made nothing muffins once, which was weird.  We’ve gotten lost together.  We laugh about being broken – between our heads and our lady pockets and all our joints, it’s surprising that we can get out of bed in the morning.  But we do.  We share doctors.  We share lip balm.  I can’t even explain how much Lilo talks me down on a weekly basis.  She’s become a rock in my life.  She’s joining Pam and Karen as one of the most important people in my life.  I don’t even have to mention the fact that she’s an amazing poet, totally beautiful and absolutely in every way awesome.  She’s more  than some people can stand.  I couldn’t do it without her.  Lilo, I adore you.

There are more people that I love.  I love Lee even more than when I dated him.  I’ve never had such an awesome boyfriend.  He was so nice and fabulous to me that all other boys pale in comparision.  I shared Alfred with him, which is just as important as any other place.  We’ve had our fights, but things always end up right again.  He’s my go-to guy.  He sent me a valentine last year saying that he would walk through hell and flames and fire and brimstone for me.  And give me his organs.  Lee leaves me the best drunk voicemails that make me laugh for days.  I know if I needed him, for whatever reason, I could call and he would be here.

There’s Tessa and Cashelle – the only two girls that I was friends with at Alfred.  We drank too much together.  We ate dinner together for weeks on end.  They had cocktail hours at their house that lasted all night.  We had a big party for all the professers at the end of senior year and made all the food after we were totally trashed.  There was pornopalooza!  Need I say more?  They haven’t seen the growth in me as much as some of my other friends, but they’ve seen me at my worst, without really knowing it was my worst.  They kept me up when the death of my grandpa made me crunble.  We rocked Boston last winter and Vermont this past winter.  I can go months without seeing them and when we’re together again, it’s like things never changed.  They’ve both got fabulous lives – Cashelle is going to be an amazing PA and Tessa is going to cook us all wonderful food.  They were like sisters to me in college.  We shared clothes (well, not Cashelle, that skinny bitch).  We might have shared a boy (totally not our fault!).  We’ll always have Hot Dog Day, Alex’s, GJ’s and DP Dough.  We’ll have the dorms, the hills, the castle on the hill.  We will know about the black knight, King Alfred and the ghosts on campus.  We shared some of the most important years in terms of realizing WHO YOU ARE together.  I won’t be forgetting that soon.

So to my friends – all of you – even the ones that I didn’t name because I can’t name all of you – thank you.  So much.  I love you all.  I love each and every one of you to the deepest degree.  You’ve held me together and helped me laugh and let me cry and just let me be me.  You have let me make the wrong choices when you know I had to learn from them.  You’ve stopped me from being a total idiot when you knew I couldn’t stop myself.

To each of you – Happy Valentine’s Day.

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