Training session 3 – the one where I get hurt
Okay training session 3. I was all ready to go. I was like…bouncy pants. I left work, I was excited and I made it almost on time (srsly rt 7).
So I did my warm up on the bike and Lisa the Trainer said “oh look, STAIRS”. We went to the stairs. First I was running up and down two sets of stairs. For a while. I don’t know how long. It made me nervous though because the stairs were short (meaning that my entire foot didn’t fit on the stair) and I was worried as I bounded down the stairs that I would fall on my face.
Lisa the Trainer told me that she would catch me and I called her a liar.
Then I was supposed to run up the stairs 2 at a time. So I did. I kept on thinking I was going to fall on my face and then I would break my teeth and then I would have to go to the dentist and I would cry and OMG how could I be that much of a fail? These are great things to think as you’re running up the stairs. I highly recommend it.
After we were done running up and down and NOT FALLING down the stairs, we went back into the gym to do some more squats. Which I totally love. Sort of. Maybe. Anyway, I started doing squats with the 10 pound medicine ball when all of the sudden I started to get a stabby pain in my butt. I ignored it at first because I thought maybe it was just a stabby pain and that was that.
HA. WRONG.
I did a few more squats. Pain got worse. I told Lisa the Trainer. She was like “okay, we’re done with this. Now we’re going to stretch”. That meant that I was lying on the ground and she was pushing my legs in all sorts of directions and massaging my butt. It was sexy for real.
Actually, her rubbing my butt was the most action I’ve gotten in a long time. Which is sad. And I wanted to tell her that but I figured that might be a little inappropriate.
(And since her trying to make the muscles in my butt stop seizing up was like…you know, the most anyone’s touched my butt in months, going to see the lady pocket doctor is going to be like…whoa. I’m going to need to lie down after that.)
(Ew)
Lisa the Trainer kept on stretching my legs, asking me what hurt and where and how bad. Then she cracked my back by accident…which was awesome. She told me to call or text her today and let her know how my butt feels and if it was still tight I could come back in and she would stretch it out again.
So far it feels pretty okay. I stretched more last night and again this morning and I’ll stretch again when I get home and let her know.
I walked out of the gym with my head held high…at least until Lisa the Trainer couldn’t see me anymore. And then I started crying. A lot. I felt so dumb and lame and just stupid and fat when that happened. I’m not totally a work out fiend, but I work out enough that I feel like that shouldn’t have happened. Granted, I don’t run up stairs 2 at a time, but still. It was just really discouraging. And I know. I know my body doesn’t want me to work as hard as I’m making it work. I know that those muscles aren’t being used all the time. But I felt like a real failure. I know Lisa the Trainer could sense it. She kept on telling me that it was okay and that stuff like this happens and she gave me a big hug when I left. I know it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but still. I just felt like although training hasn’t been easy, it hasn’t killed me either.
I called Lilo once I got into my car and I started crying to her. I was so overwhelmingly upset about something that is seemingly so dumb. Then I got upset about the fact that I was upset. So I kept on crying.
I finally pulled myself together and went on with my night. As I said before, I feel fine now, mostly. I know that there was nothing I could do to prevent what happens and I fear that it might happen again. I’m not giving up though. I’m just going to try harder and hope that my body wants to play along with me too.
With this much burning, I should see a doctor
Did I ever mention how much my computer at work sucks? Because it really sucks a whole lot. It lags so much and then I type everything wrong and you know, basic functions really mess its shit up. FAIL COMPUTER.
And don’t even get me started on the IT guy. Grrrrr.
Last night was my first real session with Lisa the Trainer. I ate a greek yogurt before I left work and an apple on my way there. And on the way there, I was behind every slow moving car ever. So I was kind of late to my session, even though I left work on time. Rt 7, you can lick my butt. I hate you so much.
Anyway. I started out with 10 minutes on the bike just to get me all warmed up. Then Lisa the Trainer showed me a punching bag and told me to have at it, basically. I was doing jabs at first, then hooks, then I was kicking it. And every time I hit the bag, she told me I could hit it harder. So I did. And I kept on hitting it, harder and harder. I had wanted to murder bossy coworker before I left work but I didn’t (damn!). Punching that bag helped to make it better. My knuckles got all red though, so I had to put on some gloves. Guess what kind of gloves they were? CHUCK NORRIS GLOVES, THAT’S WHAT. Of course, I totally hit harder and better once they were on.
Next time I have other people to imagine when I hit the punching bag. I’m sure my left shoulder will really love that so much. Right now it feels like it’s on fire. But it’s actually not. HAHA SELF.
I then did like, 50 squats. I’m not kidding. It was up and down and up and down and Lisa the Trainer kept on telling me to give her 5 more and so on. So I did. Now my thighs are on fire today. But I feel pretty great. I also did some ab stuff as well but my abs aren’t bothering me nearly as much as my thighs.
I also mentioned that I felt like throwing up at one point. And Lisa the Trainer, bless her heart, brought me over a bucket and told me it was cool to puke. In the bucket. That’s about as sexy as I can get. I got over my puking period and gave it my all, I think.
And Friday I get to do it all again!
As I was leaving, Lisa the Trainer suggested that I go home and eat a banana. Here’s something I don’t think I’ve ever posted about. I. HATE. BANANAS.
I do. I hate their existence. I refuse to eat them or touch them or eat anything that has banana parts in it. I don’t know why I hate them so much. I ate them as a child and then I guess I just decided not to like them. A feels it was a traumatic banana accident that I am repressing. No. I just hate them. When I got outside, I texted Lilo to tell her what Lisa the Trainer said and Lilo asked if I let her live.
So I told her that NO I WOULD NOT BE EATING A BANANA, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER. She suggested I drink some milk instead. It apparently helps with the soreness. So I drank some milk and today…well, I feel like I’ve been thrown down a flight of stairs. My arms feel like dead weight. My thighs burn. But at least I did it. And tomorrow I’ll be doing it again.
Getting my ass kicked…
Last night was my evaluation session with my new trainer. She’s my mom’s friend’s daughter and I’ve known her since I was little…but we were never close or anything. She’s very nice and sweet and I think that she’ll be a good trainer for me.
Regardless. She measured me (that was sad) and weighed me and got my BMI and all sorts of other things that reminded me that losing 40 pounds still makes you fat. I kind of wanted to cry.
Then she had me do sit ups. I did like 50 of those. Then I did a punch of pushups. Then I did jumping jacks. Then I did some squats. It was allllllllll just so much great fun. This morning I woke up and I wondered why my shoulders were sore. I thought it was because I slept in a ball curled up on my side (which I don’t normally do). Then I remembered the 15 pushups I did (from my knees, not actual ones) and now I can understand.
Basically, I’ll be seeing her twice a week and doing cardio things 3 times a week and having my ass kicked and I think that’s the way that it needs to be. I’d like to tone myself up for the wedding, but you never know if that will actually work. I know that Lisa (that would be the trainer) did a great job helping her mom out and her mom lost like, 5 inches from her waist or something. Of course, I have no idea how often they met or what they did or how long that took.
But it’s almost June, I’ll be seeing her twice a week for a little over a month and I can maybe get something done in the 2 months leading up until the wedding, right? Yes, I hope so. It’s already bad enough that my dress has to be taken in just about everywhere, but as long as it is, let’s make it have to be taken in more. Maybe I can be kinda cute at the wedding? Yes?
If that makes sense. Which I don’t think it does.
But expect to get updates every time I go to the trainer. If I can move my arms, that is. Otherwise maybe I’ll just hit my head on the keyboard and hope that words come out.
I know I had a bad week this week and that I gained weight, but whatever. Today is hitting the reset button and I’m going back to eating like a normal person that eats when they are hungry and not when they want to cry at work. Or cry because they are fat. Or something like that. Eating because you feel fat doesn’t really make much sense either. I know I could have had all sorts of bad things last night…and I just had a Dr. Pepper. A REGULAR ONE, OMG. But it was sooooooooo good. I needed that. It was my one sweet thing.
Also, I got sort of into playing rock band last night and now my voice is sort of gone. Way to go. I can’t be trusted with video games either.
Falling in heels
Actually, I didn’t fall down. Yet.
Apparently, I must dress like crap all the time because whenever I wear heels, people think I’m up to something. Really. Even at my last job, whenever I wore a skirt and heels, everyone wanted to know what sort of trouble I was getting myself into. I can’t just wear heels to wear heels?
I guess not.
I’m tall and I know that wearing heels doesn’t make sense. But you know, it’s springlike outside, finally and I wanted to feel pretty. Sometimes that involves wearing heels. So that’s what I did. I can’t imagine what everyone might have to say about when I wear skirts. Their heads might explode right off their shoulders.
The New Girl has left work. I had to leave early on Friday to go to a wine tasting for J’s group home (no, for reals) and I guess she went in on Friday afternoon and told BStP that she had gotten a better offer somewhere else and that she was leaving. She was here for a week. BStP was pissed (with good reason, I would say) and now we’re looking for someone else again. Fun times around here.
Other than that, nothing much has been going on. Now that the bridesmaid dress has been picked out, there’s less insanity in my life. There are also things going on that I’m not blogging about because I can’t find the words for them. Also, I just don’t want to jinx or screw up anything I might have going on right now. Once things go in one direction or another, I’ll be sure to write about it. I don’t really know if what I’m worrying and thinking about is productive to worry or think about.
But we’re all pretty clear on the fact that I overthink things. I overanalyze. When someone is short with me, it’s because I’ve done something wrong. I do this thing where I imagine everything is my fault and when I say something that might not be exactly kosher in one way or another, I’ve offended the person. It causes lots of little panicky moments in my life. It’s tiring for sure. Even if I know things about the person that I think is mad at me, things that would imply that there’s no way that person is mad…I still think that they are.
Paranoid? You betcha!
Last night my aunt and I took W out for his birthday. I started drinking, which really isn’t something new. But I drank more than I expected to drink, was on the way to being drunky drunk and then fell asleep. Who gets drunk on a Tuesday night? Me. I’m classy and that’s what I do. I was also drinking in heels…and didn’t fall down. I amaze even myself.
Today is going to be a tough day at work. Everything feels slightly off…or maybe I just feel off. I feel very unbalanced and tipsy sort of. You would think the beer has worn off. I don’t know what my other issues are, but I am going to be crashing into things FOR SURE today.
Updates on things
I went hiking on Saturday! I got my shoes in the mail on Friday night and Saturday I was ready to go. It was nice and I didn’t fall down once! That’s important to remember because I trip on lots of things and mostly fall down. But I didn’t.
Then Saturday night was a fundraiser for J’s Special Olympics team. I went ice skating for the first time in a long time. I was taught to skate when I was 3-4, but I haven’t been in so long. It was good, I didn’t fall down, but holy hell, did my thighs and legs and back hurt after that.
Apparently I hadn’t abused myself enough, because yesterday I went to the gym and worked out for about 45 minutes. Then I came home and washed my car (FINALLY) and it was a good day. I did lots of working out and I would like to continue the working out trend.
Today, however, my achilles tendons are aching and my legs hate every time that I need to move and FORGET ABOUT STAIRS because they hurt. I don’t care. I feel so great. The pain lets me know I’m doing something.
On an unrelated note – I might have to go bridesmaid dress shopping this week. My mom and my grandma both dislike the maid of honor. My cousin can’t make up a list of people that she wants to invite to the bridal shower, we can’t pick a weekend to have it and I hate everyone. It’s so productive, living in my world.
Spring 2009 mix – this time everything’s different
Here is the mix. Thanks to the input from Pam and Lilo, I think I have it down. By being on my old computer, I’m getting all sorts of things I wouldn’t have used before. This is going to be excellent…
- Starting now – Ingrid Michaelson
- Her morning elegance – Oren Lavie
- Spring provides – Matt Pond PA
- West coast – Coconut Records
- Sex on fire – Kings of Leon
- Reach for the sun – The Polyphonic Spree
- Big enough – Garrison Starr
- Ramona – Guster
- Stay (wasting time) – Dave Matthews Band
- She moves in her own way – The Kooks
- Nighttiming – Coconut Records
- See you on the moon – Great Lake Swimmers
- Sunny skies – James Taylor
- Color of sunshine – Field Notes
- Handle with care – Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
- Jenny don’t be hasty – Paolo Nutini
- Single ladies – Mr. Little Jeans
- Far away – Ingrid Michaelson
- (Coffee’s for closers) – Fall Out Boy
And that’s it. That’s the mix. I think that pretty well captures what this spring is going to be…a season of hope, of new birth, of change, of love. So here’s to spring of 2009 – This time everything’s different
P.S. I would look for a summer mix in a few months. Hint hint
Spring mix!
Here’s a totally unrelated to anything post….excited?
I’m tired of winter. I’m so done with it. I’m done with the snow and the cold and the WIND and the ice and the nastiness. Done. It needs to go away. I realize that saying this won’t make it stop, but I can still think that.
I’ve decided I need to make some sort of mix that will make the bad weather go away. Or at least have me thinking such wonderful spring thoughts that it won’t matter anymore. That’s where everyone comes in. Super awesome why isn’t it spring playlist needs some songs. And….GO!
Odds and ends and nonsense
First of all, my butt hurts. It’s like, BROKEN. And it’s not really my butt, but it’s the muscles above my butt. That might be an overshare, but I don’t really care. I worked out yesterday and it wasn’t a terribly hard or intense workout, but I guess I just was shaking my butt harder than normal. Sometimes I really want to rock out on the treadmill, like dance and shake and shimmy, but I realize these things are not acceptable. Also not acceptable? Singing the songs on my ipod while working out. If I can sing, I can crank it up a notch, I think.
Other than my busted broken butt, there’s nothing much else new. I got a new computer at work! This is important because the one I used to have was so freakin’ terrible that I couldn’t get anything done. And I couldn’t watch videos on youtube. Sometimes things I watch on youtube are work related. Sometimes. Not all the time.
I’m sending A his valentine’s day card tomorrow or Wednesday. It won’t take that long to get to him. I have no idea what will happen when he gets it. I don’t know if he’s going to call or IM or text me or just ignore it. Regardless of what happens, I’m not doing any of those things first. He’s going to have to come to me if he wants to find me. I’m realizing that I’m okay with this entire situation. Okay, maybe not OKAY okay, but you know, it didn’t throw my world into a tailspin. I’m not crying and I am upset, but only a little bit. I just miss him more during times when I would normally be hearing from him – late at night or all day on Sunday. It also makes me realize that in my next relationship, I shouldn’t spend the same day with the same person all the time. Sundays are now very empty seeming, even though I’m doing things. Things that don’t involve A are apparently not good things at all. That’s not the case. I know this.
Nothing else more to say. My family is going to Vermont for the weekend, so I will have the house to myself. I have to watch the animals and that’s fine. Karen is coming over on Friday night and Saturday night – well, we’ll have to see where I end up then. As much as I like how quiet it is when no one is home, I do get terribly lonely. I don’t think I would do so well living on my own right now. I can have a roommate and that would be great. But sometimes I just need to have a person around that I can shout to about stuff and giggle with. Not only that, but my house is kind of weird when it’s empty at night. The house does a lot of settling and there are a lot of strange noises and sometimes I get nervous pervous about being the house by myself. It’s true. I’m admitting it.
Starting the morning off right – win
I have this thing about getting ready in the morning. A thing other than hitting snooze 6 times, waking up late, eating breakfast slowly and being late for work. There are other things too. My thing is that I HAVE to listen to music as I’m getting ready. I have to. I need to have some tunes as I brush my hair and pick out what I’m wearing (although now that I can go to work in jeans and a t-shirt, that doesn’t much matter). I totally need music when I brush my teeth. That is prime booty shakin’ time as far as I’m concerned. I was shaking it so hardcorely this morning that I got toothpaste foam on my shirt. Winner? I THINK SO!
So I bring you my mix of songs that you should have to get you up and out the door and in a good mood. They make a terrible day not so bad and nights that went on for far too long seem like distant memories. Why yes, I am that amazing in my musical tastes, thanks. If you all have anything to add, please do!
- “Coffee is for Closers”, “Dance dance”, “Sugar we’re going down” - Fall Out Boy
- “Shake it” – Metro Station
- “When did your heart go missing?” – Rooney
- “Being bad feels pretty good”, “We are rockstars”, “dawn of the dead” and “Weird science” – Does it offend you, yeah
- “We run this” – Missy Elliot
- “Get naked” – Britney Spears (Doesn’t make much sense for when I want to get dressed, but it’s still an awesome song)
- “Just dance” – Lady Gaga
- “About a girl” and “Summer hair = forever young” - The Academy is…
- “Burnin’ up” – Jonas Brothers (Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!)
- “Shut up and let me go” – The Ting Tings
- “Rock me” – Liz Phair
- “Galvanize” – Chemical Brothers
- “Rock DJ” – Robbie Williams
- “Parade of punk rock t-shirts” – Martime
- “American boy” – Estelle and Kayne West
So what’s on your morning playlist? Give me some ideas – while mine is pretty great, it needs to be revamped and more awesome, big time!
