Dating the socially special needs
Just in case maybe you only started reading this blog today, sometimes…sometimes I’m awkward in my life. Sometimes I say weird things or laugh at inappropriate times or just generally have no idea what the hell I’m doing with my own self.
Normally that’s not a big deal because the only people I deal with are people that know me in one way or another – friends, family, coworkers. But when I meet new people, I run into a problem. It takes so much more extra energy not to be a goofball. I really have to think about what I’m doing so I don’t end every sentence with “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID” or talk in LOLCATS out loud. Or talk like a cartoon character that is Swedish and plays in a death metal band and has a problem with conjugating verbs.
Can’t act like that with people that don’t know me.
Point being – I’ve gone out with this guy that I actually like (that’s important!) a few times…and I’m still all awkward turtle. I realized I forgot how to date people. I have no idea how to be in a relationship that isn’t…weird. So what do I do? What do I say? What DO you say after you’ve just had sex with someone that you like and you’d like to hang out with again? Do you say “thanks, that was awesome”? Do you snuggle with them like it’s totally routine to be doing this? Do you offer them another beverage? In my head, it’s all shouting like “DON’T PUT YOUR HAND THERE FIX YOUR HAIR WHAT ARE YOU DOING DON’T MAKE THAT NOISE DON’T SAY WHAT YOU JUST THOUGHT DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T”.
Which doesn’t sound like the beginning of something promising, but it’s the way it all goes in my head. Everything is shouty. And honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing right now. That’s not to say things are happening and I’m not wanting them to – it’s to say that I have no idea how to act. In the beginning of any relationship, regardless of in what capacity, there’s a lot of feeling things out (that’s what she said). You have to find out where the line is with the person. you have to know what sort of things you can and can’t say. You have figure out if they have personal space issues, if they don’t like when you crack your knuckles, if they fidget constantly, if they need to know the details of something before you can talk about stuff and on and on. When it becomes a relationship when you’re going to be dating (or taking your pants off. Whatever you want to call it), it becomes far more difficult in my head because I’m shouting “DON’T SCREW THIS UP!”
I’m doing my best to not screw this up. Because I like this. And it’s new and fun and early and there’s still so much that’s unknown. But I’m constantly wondering if I’m right in what I’m doing.
But then I think about how much fun I’m having. And how much I like getting to know someone. That makes me stop worrying – at least for a little while.
Lilo said,
October 4, 2010 at 1:17 pm
DON’T SCREW IT UP or he will BREAK YOU.
er. maybe i shouldn’t talk to anyone that isn’t you either, since apparently my vocabulary is principally derived from the Yippity Yo Show.
Gina said,
October 20, 2010 at 5:51 am
Good luck with your new relantionship. Be yourself and think positive, this will help you.