A choice to be made
Lilo and I were talking today (as we do. All day. Every day. I need more friends, srsly. LUBS LILO) and we got into a discussion about cupcakes and muffins.
I don’t mean what cupcakes and muffins actually are, but metaphorically speaking – cupcakes vs. muffins. It seems so stupid, but it’s not. The question is: do you want to be a cupcake
or do you want to be a muffin?
Muffins and cupcakes, while very much the same, are not. They use mostly the same ingredients, you make them in the same pans, you cook them for about the same amount of time – but they are different. You can’t be making some cupcakes and decide halfway through that you are going to make them muffins instead. Cupcakes are cupcakes and muffins are muffins.
Muffins you eat for breakfast. They are a little bit drier. They have weirdo things like bran in them. Muffins stand alone. You don’t ever have a super excellent muffin that you feel the need to tell everyone about. Or maybe you do. But I don’t.
Cupcakes are treats. People lust after cupcakes. They are sweet and delicious and filled with happiness and joy and kittens. People WANT cupcakes. Everyone LOVES cupcakes. What do you have for your birthday when you’re a kid? Cupcakes. What do a lot of people serve at their weddings? MOTHERFUCKING CUPCAKES.
But being a muffin or a cupcake isn’t about your taste buds. It’s about who you are and what you want. It’s about relationships. No, really.
If you’re a muffin, you don’t want a relationship. You’re fine on your own. You go with the flow, you can find whatever you want wherever you need it. You stand alone as a muffin. Sometimes you have a delightful flavor, but mostly you’re just weird. But you’re okay being a muffin. There isn’t anything wrong with muffins…as long as you know that’s what you want. If you can commit to being a muffin, then you’re okay. You don’t lie about your muffin ways and you don’t pretend like you’re secretly a cupcake.
Cupcakes, on the other hand, are relationships. Cupcakes are two people that compliment each other well combined into a tasty treat. Cupcakes are complex and fun and interesting and when you have a really really really good one, you don’t forget about it. That cupcake sticks with you.
Everyone I know is a cupcake. Sort of. I’m probably more of a super tasty vanilla cupcake. And the guys that I have dated are the frosting to my cupcakes ways (TWSS). So I’ve dated guys that mixed well with my vanilla cupcake self. Lee was wonderful strawberry frosting – sweet and uncomplicated. The worst boyfriend ever was BBQ sauce. That doesn’t go with a vanilla cupcake at all, but if you want to smash them together and pretend like it works, no one is going to stop you. So I’m looking for a boy that’s the frosting that I need to complete my cupcake self. You can date many boys. They all are different flavors. But until you find the frosting you need, you’re just a cupcake without anything.
I’m not a muffin. I’m a cupcake. You can’t change a cupcake into a muffin by just scraping off the frosting and lying through your teeth. The frosting might be gone, but the remnants of it are still there. You can’t erase them by just making them go away. And you can’t decide when you’re in the middle of a cupcake relationship that what you really want is a muffin non-relationship.
You need to know what it is you want when you get started. You need to know what you want to accomplish.
You need to make the choice to be a muffin or a cupcake.
I’m a cupcake – what are you?
So much love in Cupcake Land
From Lilo - Good lord indeed. I am all psyched to eat my pasta and broccoli for lunch.
What’s happening on the job scene
First of all, it’s 7 AM on the day after Halloween and I’ve been up for an hour. I spent last night drinking an entire 6 pack and then switching to vodka. I should still be asleep, but I’m awake. My body also feels like it’s been through war…although it hasn’t.
So I’m just as confused as you are.
Two weeks ago, I had a job interview at a local hospital to work in the marketing department there. I was super thrilled to even get an interview but the interview was a long time coming. I spoke to the HR guy on September 30th and didn’t have the interview until October 22nd. I’m hoping to hear back from them this week to see if I get to go back for a second round interview.
The job would be new and fresh and I would learn all sorts of things that I would like to learn and need to learn to stay in advertising. I know the HR guy from when I worked at the local YMCA as a teen and the woman in the marketing department knows someone that I know that was putting in a good word for me. So. It should be good.
Also, this hospital is soon to pair up with J’s old school to do autism screenings and things like that. I would love to be able to be involved with the marketing of that, but we will see.
Then on Friday I got a call from another media place that wants me to come in to interview for a broadcast assistant buyer position. I never expected to hear from this company because although I was totally the kind of person that they wanted for this job, I’ve been totally the kind of person for other jobs. And no one calls. So, surprise interview. I’m going in on Tuesday and I’m a little nervous, but I know there is no need for that.
Fact of the matter is – I NEED A JOB SOON.
There are shoes I need to buy. I want a pair of black flats. And for some reason, I need these shoes too. I’m not normally a trendy shoe kind of girl, but there’s something about those slippers that I’ve decided I must have in my life. And having a limited income and wanting expensive shoes do not go hand in hand.
Although I’ll probably cave sooner rather than later and end up buying them. DAMN YOU, NEED FOR SHOES.
I’ve also been watching far more TV that any human being should be – Glee, Community, The Office, Venture Bros, How I Met Your Mother (season 1), Grey’s Anatomy (now on season 3), It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Big Love (season 2), Gossip Girl (season 2) and god knows what else. Mostly my brain is turning to mush, but damn, at least I’m amused while doing it.
I’ve been cleaning and cooking and knitting my hands off like a madwoman around here, but I would REALLY LOVE to work again. So someone…PLEASE TO HAS JOB NOW.
Keep your fingers crossed for me this week. I need all the help that I can get…
TMI Thursday – It kind of looks like a foot
Honestly, I have nothing but time in my life, but I don’t update my blog anymore because…well, there is no reason. I should really start updating again. Not that anything good is happening (I did go on an interview though!) but mostly to keep myself amused.
Anyway.
Here’s my TMI Thursday story. Lilu encourages us to share some sort of icky thing…and this one is special. Pam, stop reading now. I mean it. You stop.
So when I first got into online dating, I started on a free website. That was probably my first mistake, but what did I know? I talked to several guys and not a one of them was decent. That’s neither here nor there. I did talk to a guy that lived in my hometown.
We ended up meeting up one night. He was nice and funny and kind of cute. He was in his mid-30s and owned his own business and he made me laugh. When it comes to boys, making me laugh is important.
We continued to talk and IM after that. One night, we were talking online about something. It might have been sex. It might have been something else entirely. My cell phone told me I had a text message. He told me that he had sent me something.
Here was where that little voice in your head that says “WHAT THE FUCK?!” should have been screaming. I guess it took the night off. What could he possibly send me via text message that he couldn’t just say on the interwebs?
Oh, that’s right. A picture of his manjunk. And somehow, in the picture of his manjunk, he’s included his face.
Why thank you, weird guy from the internet, just what I wanted.
I was kind of shocked by that. I didn’t ask for any pictures of anyone’s parts and there it was, staring me in the face. Also, exactly what can a picture of junk on my cell phone’s tiny little screen do for me? It’s not like it’s to scale or something.
After that, I went to bed. I couldn’t process what was going on and I just needed to recharge.
The next day, I was dying to tell someone what went down. I mean, how could I not share this? I was out to lunch with one of my friends and I told him the story. I had to. As we were sitting in the car eating lunch (classy!), he asked me to show him the picture. He told me he didn’t want to look at it, but because I had explained the funny angle, he needed to see it himself. Bless his heart.
His reaction? “Well, it kind of looks like a foot….”
And weird guy from the internet was dubbed Footweiner McLovin’.
It became a big joke to forward the penis picture to unsuspecting men that I knew. You know, the ones that get really uncomfortable when you suggest that they are gay. So I did that for a while before deleting the picture entirely. I probably should have kept it though. Footweiner did want to get into politics and really – it would have been a good scandal. You don’t send pictures of your boyparts to girls you don’t know.
Or you do because you’re an idiot. Whichever.
WHERE ARE ALL THE PANTS?
I was invited (aren’t I lucky?) to go to a re-employment meeting this week. I was just enraged overjoyed to be invited. Since I was going to this meeting I thought that I should make a good impression and not wear jeans. Khakis seemed like the right kind of pants to wear.
I’m at this weird point where I’m in between sizes. So nothing I own really fits me exactly right. Since the last time I bought khakis I was 2 sizes bigger than I am now, I figured I could splurge from my unemployment budget and buy a pair of khakis. I wouldn’t say that I’m thin by any means, but I’m not quite as fat as I was. I’m at a size that they carry at most reasonable stores. How hard could it be to find khaki pants, I thought?
Oh, and aside from being not a fat size, but not a skinny size either, I’m tall. I generally buy tall pants with a longer inseam so that they will fit. And more stores carry tall pants, so how would that be an issue?
Those were my first two mistakes.
First, Lilo and I went to Kohl’s to find some pants. I kind of love Kohl’s. If you can take the time to look around, you can find some really great things. I’ve gotten a lot of fabulous things there and I thought that I could just find some pants there because I’ve found pants there before. I forgot that all the pants I found were capris. I found some pairs of pants in the right size at Kohl’s and tried them on. FAIL. When pants aren’t long enough, the crotch of the pants is at the wrong place and just looks awkward. And you turn all muffin toppy. So those were out.
I was not discouraged. I was going to go to the mall on Monday. THE MALL. Think of all the stores in the mall! I could totally find pants there because there are so many places that sell pants. It would all be good as far as I was concerned.
3rd mistake.
I went in to all the stores at the mall that I have bought pants from. I went into the Gap, Old Navy, Anne Taylor, Anne Taylor Loft, Macy’s, Lord and Taylor and some other places. NO FUCKING PANTS. NO FUCKING PANTS ANYWHERE. I tried on at least 15 pairs of pants and none of them fit. And why didn’t any of them fit? BECAUSE I WAS TOO TALL. FOR THE PANTS. NO WHERE were there tall sized pants in bigger sizes. NOWHERE was helpful. I left the mall shouting and making all sorts of noise. What good is the mall if I can’t find pants that fit me? FUCK YOU, COMMERCE.
I’ve started my search online for pants. It’s bullshit that I have to resort to the internet to find pants, but whatever. If that’s how you want to play it, stores in the mall, then that’s how you want to play it. I never used to have a problem finding tall pants in stores, but apparently some tall person somewhere in the universe pissed off the pants gods of all these stores and POOF. No more tall pants for you.
I just found a pair of khaki pants online at Old Navy. Sometimes not all of Old Navy’s sizes fit the same way, but I’m taking a chance to see if these pants work. I also found out that Old Navy sells tall pants and long pants. Yes, there is a difference. The long pants are shorter than the tall pants. Who would have ever guessed? Not me, that’s for damn sure.
Now I have learned my lesson. I will never be able to buy pants in a store again because I’m too tall. For pants. Damn you, height. DAMN YOU TO HELL.
And maybe another day I will recount my exciting adventure at the re-employment meeting. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil. How do people like the ones in that meeting actually exist in the real world? I need to know.
TMI Thursday: Excuse you?
Lilu encourages all to join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
I’ve been saving this story for a while. Pam, I suggest you stop reading now. Like really. Please go.
Okay, a long long time ago, I was sleeping with someone. I KNOW! Amazing. Those were the days. I think back on them fondly. We had just gotten home from dinner (which was super good and tasty and fabulous) and decided it was time for sexy times.
You know how that goes.
He’s getting sexy and I’m getting sexy and whooo, clothes are coming off. He starts kissing my..uhh..parts..and then he burps. In my parts. HE BURPED IN MY LADYPOCKET.
It took me a minute to process what the hell just happened there, but once I did, I could not stop laughing. Who does that? I asked him what the hell that was all about and he told me that dinner was good.
I figured that out, buddy. After that moment, sexytimes were ruined and I was more content to lie in bed and continue laughing. Also to file this story away in my brain for TMI Thursday. That’s how I operate now and that might be a problem.
Then again, maybe not.
Whoops
So a long time ago (try the beginning of June), I made a summer playlist. Which I meant to post. But I forgot. Now summer is over, but the playlist is still awesome. Enjoy.
Summer 2009 – Chillin’ with my peeps and my main man the Monarch
- Hope for us – The Jealous Sound
- Nothing left to lose – Mat Kearney
- Learning to fly – Tom Petty
- Shake me like a monkey – Dave Matthews Band
- Summer hair = forever young – The Academy is…
- Florida – Modest Mouse
- That’s not my name – The Ting-Tings
- On the wing – Owl City
- We are rockstars – Does it offend you, yeah?
- Bonafied lovin’ – Chromeo
- The view – Modest Mouse
- The fear – Lily Allen
- I do not hook up – Kelly Clarkson
- Troublemaker – Weezer
- She’s my Winona – Fall Out Boy
- Never going to give you up – Rick Astley
- I think I need a new heart – Magnetic Fields
- Lovers in Japan/Reign of love – Coldplay
That’s what I listened to pretty much non-stop this weekend. I’m going to be making a fall mix soon…because now it’s fall time. That’s crazy right there.
Sometimes in the fall
I’ve really been little Negative Nelly over here for a while. So since I now have to wait 2 hours before I can take my antibiotics, I figured I would post something that I’m excited about.
The fall.
As in the season.
I don’t know why I love the fall so much. It gets colder and darker and it’s not as lovely outside…but I really enjoy the fall. I like the smells of fall. The smell of leaves, pumpkin, apples, the way that the air tastes…I love it!
Fall in Alfred was always beautiful. There are so many trees in the area and all the leaves would change colors and once they fell from the trees, we would crash through them and throw them at each other. Fall meant the beginning of school, the beginning of open mic night and my birthday.
Fall meant new beginnings in so many senses of the word. In normal life, spring is the beginning of everything. In college life, its the fall. That’s when you make new friends, find new things that you love and make bad choices (but that’s all the time).
I can’t wait to spend the fall in Cupcake Land. I can’t wait for all the baking that we will do. I’m excited for Halloween (although I don’t have a costume yet), for Thanksgiving (nom nom nom) and for birthdays (mine and Lilo’s!). I’m excited for my friends to have their new beginnings – all of them really are in a different place than they were at the beginning of the summer.
Lilo and I vowed that the end of the summer would be different and that we would be singing and dancing when everything changed. Everything has changed for me and for her. We won’t be singing and dancing for the same reasons – everything good has happened to her whereas many bad things have happened to me – but we’ll still be singing. And dancing. Perhaps falling down and getting hurt as well.
The fact is that I’m ready for fall and I’m hopeful for fall. Everything could change in a moment. I could have my life all spelled out for me before I know. I just have to wait and see.
So this year, in the fall – let’s all cross our fingers for the best that can come to us.
